Ahhhhhh…

I’m sitting here sans baby, sans hubby, all by my lonesome.

Dang I feel good.

What’s more, I’m under strict instructions to relax. While my super-duper efforts in the kitchen and my cleaning of the rest of the house (doesn’t mean it’s clean, btw, just cleanER) has been appreciated, hubby’s noticed that I haven’t had a day off for a week and I keep getting woken up at 4am by Bubba Boy, who wants a chance to scream in my ear.

Awwwwww.

I love the fact that he’s looking out for me. And it gives me hope that I haven’t destroyed this marriage with my bitching and whining and complaining and grouching and sniping and snarling and moping. OK, destroy is a pretty harsh word. It’s just that I haven’t found it easy to get through everyday life for the past couple of years, and I know hubby’s been bearing the brunt of that. With saintly patience, I must add. And I feel really, really bad that I can’t manage to be at least even-tempered and cheerful if I can’t manage the housework and childcare stuff. But I can’t. I’m an evil-tempered bitch at heart. So I’ve been feeling rather down about the state of our relationship – because when one person is continually pushing the other away and generally acting like a spoilt brat (no matter how bad they’re feeling, it’s still spoilt-brat behaviour), the friendship has GOT to suffer. But I’ve been making an extra effort – now that I’m more energetic, if more mucousy! – to be a bit nicer. Foot rubs. Bringing him a snack as he slaves over a TAFE assignment or an argument on a christian forum. Smiling instead of biting his head off. Just little things, really. But the point is, I feel as though things are improving, and that maybe he doesn’t cringe as he walks into the same room as me quite so often.

Geez, before I got off on that tangent I had a point, I’m sure of it.

Oh yeah – DAY OFF!!!! WOOOOOOOT!!!

I’m gonna try to get a decent chunk of The Fairy Princess written. It’s all up here in my head… the next bit’s right there, crystallised and perfect. Just gotta get it out without dropping it.

PS. Like my new header? I got bored the other night.

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4 Responses

  1. Might it be an idea to lighten up on yourself?

    You’ve had major surgery, and I’m sure you weren’t feeling too dazzling before that.

    You have a little man who needs his mumma, constantly.

    I’m sure hubby knows what you’ve been up against. And I’m sure he knows that you love him and appreciate him – even if you’ve been a bitch on wheels. 😉

    OH MY STARS! Keep the poor guy away from Christian forums!

    They nearly sent me stark raving mad!

    Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeek, I hope I’m not one of the anti-Christ people your lovely hubby argued with.

    If I was… Sorry, hubby. *waves cautiously*

    I’ve given up my wicked ways, I promise.

  2. LOL

    Nah, he’s more inclined to argue with the fundies. Which I don’t remember you being recently 😉 I think I’m rubbing off on him. Once upon a time he was a good lil Lutheran boy. Now he’s a badass Salvation Army type with an attitude. But no tats yet. I’m still working on that one.

  3. PS. Lighten up on myself??? Come off it! That’s one of those do-as-I-say-not-as-I-do things!

  4. gosh – I could have written this about me … I am difficult to live with too … I realised and I am trying a little too to make my man feel loved. he has his struggles too

    It is liberating to know that others struggle with this in marriage too. I appreciate your raw honesty … but I also agree with Anja – lighten up on yourself too a crying child very day at 4am does no one good.

    Yes I do like your header.

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