Lookin’ Down

I’m sitting here feeling melancholy.

Bloody Neighbours.

The TV show, I mean.

Stupid bloody plotline in which a baby shower was thrown for a couple who were about 12 weeks pregnant, and the other mothers wanted to know the sex of the baby after the ultrasound. Probably written by a man. Anyway, the baby wasn’t existent… molar pregnancy.

Much though I muttered about the stupidity of the writing (you don’t throw baby showers that early, and you definitely don’t find out the gender either, unless it’s IVF), I found myself wandering away from the TV feeling quite sad… and putting on some sad music. Because it reminded me of a miscarriage I had years ago, just a few months after we got married. I think the sadness is mostly to do with the fact that I didn’t do what I instinctively knew I should – burst into tears in the middle of church and let others look after me.

Why didn’t I? Because I’m too damn self-sufficient. Because I can’t let go and let someone else just look after me. Physical incapacity? That’s OK. But emotional mess? That’s gotta be kept under wraps and let out in small, socially-acceptable bits. In some company, that’d be a smart move. But these were some of the best friends and supporters I’ve ever had. They would’ve looked after me and hugged me and let me cry. As a result of the gotta-keep-it-together thing, it took a hell of a lot longer for me to get back to anything approaching normal than it should’ve.

Sigh.

Mental note: Be more honest.

PS. Don’t feel as though you need to offer comfort, or reply, or whatever, k? Cos I don’t think I’m sad about the miscarriage so much as the block I have against being open about how I feel.

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13 Responses

  1. I had to reply … I am sorry you lost your baby . I can relate to this a lot …It took me along while to feel open about losing my baby.Then I didn’t care who saw me cry.

    A lot of us are scared to be open for fear that noone will be there for us -even though a lot of people don’t understand and may say comforting things others just don’t know what to say and leave us feeling like an outcast.

    The greatest supporters I had were other women who had lost their babies.

    I think ’emotional messes’ don’t rate high on a lot of lists anyway but they should.

  2. All I can here is – thanks for writing that.

  3. Stupid neighbours. Dumb show. Glad I don’t watch it.

    I should have given birth in about 10 days. I’m sad as all hell about it. But I’m also fairly open about it.

  4. I have to agree about the greatest supporters being other women who have also lost babies……….. they know. you know?

  5. babyamore: *hug* You’re right.

    Anya: MWAH

    Bells: VERY dumb show. *huggggggggggggg* I feel for you, luv.

    Bettina: Yup. They do. And there are a lot less “aren’t you over it by now?” comments.

  6. Can’t stand Neighbours.
    Did something like that too, still don’t talk about it much.

  7. Jayne: *hugggggggggggggggg*

  8. mmmm. the ” aren’t you over it by now?” comments are why I stopped talking. Just because other people never ‘met’ my child makes her no less real to me unlike to them.

  9. Hugs.

    I had 2 miscarriages 2 years apart, both in April.

    Like you, I sucked it up and got on with it. I didn’t have the supporters I do now though.

    I think it helps to have an environement in which you feel it is safe to talk about it and be honest.

  10. hey i had i molar pregnancy “which is a tumor” last year in may its very rare and not many people have heard of it but its starting to become more known i never watched neighbours but ive knw ppl who i talk to online who went threw the same and they think its great that its been made known it may not be 100% right to you but as most molar pregnancy dont carry past 16 weeks they prob just write the storie line with the baby shower in it to make it longer or something but unless uve had a molar pregnancy and have had to go threw months of chemo treatment for cancer or the 6 months of having blood test to make to get the all clear then may it be hard to unstand the storyline

  11. Hi Lisa,

    I wasn’t having a go at Neighbours for including a molar pregnancy in their show. I was:

    a) Having a go at them for bad writing (like shooting fish in a barrel, I know) – regarding the baby shower and associated other weird remarks by characters who should realistically know better, and

    b) Whingeing that it made me feel blue.

    I’m sorry that you had to go through a molar pregnancy. They SUCK, I know. There’s something doubly bad about a tumour that was supposed to be a baby – I think I’d cope far better with a standard tumour. Sigh. So please don’t get the idea that I don’t want Neighbours including this sort of thing in their plotlines. I just wish they’d get it RIGHT… and that I could see that sort of story without feeling sad.

  12. hey naomi

    like i said i didnt watch it and it prob was badly written for all i knw but was just pointin out why i though it was good tht they had made it known about molar pregnancys tho i think the should of reseached it alot better and prob taken more care over writin it

    im sorry for ur miscarrage and wasnt meaning anything bad by what i was sayin as it is hard to understand what ppl our going threw unless theyve been there themselves

  13. Lisa, thanks for coming back and clarifying 🙂 I agree, this sort of thing does need to be more widely known. Even if it’s just so that women know what symptoms to beware of during pregnancy.

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