TV Advertisers: Speak Aussie, Dammit!

There’s one TV experience that’s guaranteed to make me scowl.

Not ads, in and of themselves. I may sigh, or scoff, or make smart-arse remarks, but I don’t often scowl. But when I do, it’s almost always because some multinational company is too cheap to Australianise their ads. And that gets me wanting to kick some butt. Because surely these ads are meant to appeal to people, right? And not paying attention to what appeals to the viewers kind of makes the whole effort pointless, doesn’t it?

Rule Number One

Think hard before you just import your ads wholesale. It’s possible that your ad has universal appeal, and everyone will like it and buy your product. But it’s most likely that your head is stuck firmly in your arse if you think this. Tommy Hilfiger, I’m talking to you. Starting your foray into the Australian market with a chick running around waving an American flag was just dumb. Newsflash: not everyone in the world loves the USA. Shock? Sheesh.

Rule Number Two

Use Australian terminology. Betty Crocker, this means you! I don’t care HOW successful and all-American your company is, we call the stuff on top of the cake icing, not frosting. How hard is that to remember? Huh? I bet your cute little sugar-addicted actor kid can cope with it even if you can’t.

Rule Number Three

Don’t dub your ads. I know this seems like a simple solution to stop my whingeing – but it won’t. Because it’s bloody obvious that the ad’s been dubbed, and the crappiness will bug me every time I see it, and I’ll associate your product with dodgy quality forevermore and never buy it.

Of course, if your ad campaign is designed to irritate or induce yawns… feel free to continue on your merry path. Arsehat.


10 Responses

  1. Or you could come to terms with the fact that the Internets has made American English into Standard English, because we r00l t3h w3bz because we have the world’s biggest nuclear arsenal so people don’t argue with us, regardless of whether or not they like us.

    I am perfectly aware of the fact that if we just go by sheer numbers, anyone not speaking Chinese is in the minority, but American pop-culture is the most infectious thing since Ebola and someday soon all European, Aussie, and Kiwi variants of the President’s Engrish will only be spoken in isolated academic groups as society devolves into speaking a pigdin of LOLcat and slogans from television.

    at least until I take over a continent and make Nadsat (the slanguage from Clockwork Orange) the official language

    also: i used to have a culinary-student roommate, who advised me there is a technical difference between frosting and icing. icing is more of a glaze, but thicker, while frosting comes in assorted colors and flavors and is creamier.

    Also, the second: who bothers putting it on cake anymore? cake is just an archaic way to get frosting/icing into your mouth – these days, they sell the stuff in tubs, so you can get all the frosting or icing you like with a spoon.

  2. *snigger*

    I’m with you.

    I often think that the bigger companies get the less effort they make to chase/serve their customers. They seem to forget that they need the customers

  3. Dok – Pfffffft! I think the Japanese are the next big culture craze. I know, we already did it back in the 19th century, but what with toilet-themed cafes and wacky sadistic game shows, I think they’re gonna be HUGE. I think I have heard that frosting/icing thing before. Interesting. As far as cake being irrelevant – damn, man, you just can’t pack enough chocolate and fat into icing/frosting. You need those AND sugar for a truly satisfying fix.

    Bettina – yup. I agree. And I know some people buy the products anyway… but a lot don’t. So a big English two-finger salute to the lot of ’em.

  4. the japanese? the United States irriadiated them a few decades back, which is the geopolitical equivalent of marking territory.

    i think America is slowly absorbing Japanese culture to add it’s sociological distinctiveness to its own, like the Borg borgifying a new species. we’ve already got their gadgets and cartoons and video games, and soon we will absorb their sadistic video games.

    Also, America didn’t get much of the Japanese-culture-craze in the 19th century, at least not over here on the eastern half where I am. There weren’t any foreign wars our fledgling nation could jump into at the time, so we started a local one in the name of Science to lay the foundation for the destructive technologies we’d bring to the world in future centuries.

  5. Hehe.. *blushes* I actually quite like referring to icing as “frosting” – it’s so cute and reminds me of snowmen for some reason, lol!

    I get what you’re saying though. 🙂

  6. ARGH!
    Those ads p!ss us off no bloody end.
    The Beneful dog food ads that are sooooo dubbed? We mute the telly and voice over the ad with lines like”Share that yummy, scrummy food with me you bastard canine, you know I’m a pathetic, starving actor. Either share the damn food or I’m hiding the can opener”

  7. You must understand something about our American marketing people: much as the late comedic genius Bill Hicks suspected, they aren’t human. They in fact come from the same reptilian stock that David Icke assigns to various world leaders. while this gives them protective scales, venom-sacs in their cheeks, and a telepathic link to their Lizard Queen on the anti-earth that is always hidden from us behind the sun, it does mean they haven’t evolved the higher thinking functions of primates such as ourselves, and are still trying to grasp the notion that your island nation is not full of a million Crocodile Dundee clones. They’re afraid of him, and are thusly too afraid of Australians to interact with them and make proper Aussie commercials.

    this is why viral marketing has become popular lately. they are finally giving up on comprehending humans enough to sell us stuff.

  8. I am so with you on #3 !!!!! Aaarrrggghhhh !!!!! Gets me mad no end.

  9. Advertisers in general are dumbasses no matter where they are operating.

  10. Dok – yeah, the world appreciates the destructive-science effort 😉 And good point about the marketing reptile thingies.

    Katie – damn, girl, that’s what marshmellow snowmen on TOP of the icing are for!

    Jayne – LMAO

    WS – I’d prefer a dubbed Jackie Chan movie!

    Evyl – well, yeah. Maybe they’ll read my blog and pick up some tips 😛

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