How Do We Manage to Breed?

Every now and then, I’m gobsmacked by something that I know I shouldn’t be.

Today’s effort is a classic example. A woman who’s married, pregnant, and horrified at the thought of massaging her perineum (a strategy to help avoid tearing during the birth, for the blissfully unaware), because – she doesn’t like to touch herself ‘down there’.

For crying out loud!

Genitalia really isn’t that scary. I mean, men’s genitalia can be, but that’s because it can resemble an angry deformed rabbit jumping out of a thick bush of smelly hair. Umm, eurgh. Anyway, back to the point. Women’s genitalia? Sure, it can smell a bit funny (WASH, dammit!), and it’s a little mysterious, and secretes stuff – but so does your nose, and I don’t see women running around yelling, “Get it off me!” at their noses. Let’s not get into nose jobs.

Australia doesn’t have a high active-christian population. And that’s what gets me. Most of the women who’re scared of ‘down there’ (and you thought ‘vajayjay’ was a scary term – at least it’s a name of sorts) aren’t brought up that way out of any religious belief that thinking about one’s vagina will lead one into nasty little sins. They’re brought up that way… WHY? Abuse? Sometimes, I’m sure. And, well, it’s understandable then. I might be scared of my vagina if it had gotten me far too much male attention at a far too young age. But what about when it’s not abuse? What about when parents discourage touching and talking about ‘down there’ and fill their daughters’ heads with vague fears and shame when they look disgusted at the thought of answering a sensible question? What the HELL are these parents thinking? I suspect they’re not. I suspect they’re simply uncomfortable with such topics thanks to their own upbringing, and not prepared to make the effort to get over it for the sake of their kids. Well, damn. Talk about ruining your kids’ sex lives forevermore.

If you’re one of the many people in this world who’re scared to touch their on genitalia – can I suggest that you make a conscious effort to work through your fear/disgust/shame? Those bits of us that lie ‘down there’ are capable of bringing us and our partners great pleasure – but they need to be acknowledged and appreciated before they will work with us fully. Have a look. Wash your hands, have a feel around, then wash your hands again. You might need a mirror or two, unless you’re nice and flexible. But try it. Your genitalia isn’t disgusting, dammit.


10 Responses

  1. I’ve got an extension to this. If you cut your hand, and bled on your jeans, nobody would blink. They might ask if you’re alright, but the blood came from your hand. When it is menstrual flow it suddenly becomes a taboo? Far freakin’ out!!!! It happens, get over it.

  2. I have absosmurfly no problem with genetilia at all.

  3. Last time I faced an angry, deformed rabbit jumping out of a thick bush I ran the bastard over with my car 😛
    Myxomatosis is a bitch 😉

  4. the only reason women’s genitalia is not scary to you is because you’ve had a set affixed to you for a prolonged period of time. to someone who hardly ever encounters them, labia look just as frightening, and what lies within is even more terrifying in an “I’m not putting anything in there that I want to get back” sort of way.

    also, here’s another great word for you, and the source thereof: “vajeener.”

  5. I am so with you on that !!!!!

  6. I was going to say ‘Sasch has her pom poms out and is cheering you along on this campaign’ – until I realised it might get me arrested… 😀

    Keep up the good work!

  7. Anja – yup, indeedy!

    Evyl – good man 😉

    Jayne – ROTFL

    Dok – good point – but if you had women’s genitalia, do you think you’d still be scared of it? That’s what I find REALLY weird 🙂

    WS – MWAH

    Sasch – ROTFL… BAD imagery.

  8. let me see: slimy orifice that emits chunky blood jello on a regular basis when it’s working properly, attracts fungal infection, and won’t let me write my name in the snow? i wouldn’t be afraid if i had such equipment, I would be angry and want a refund, a hysterectomy, and some cool cybernetic accoutrements to replace my discarded plumbing. maybe a portable hot-dog cooker, or a nerf gun.

  9. Hrmmm… Dok Holocaust with a nerf gun in her pants and a bun in the oven. That’d make interesting fan fiction…

  10. keep your fitlhy mind out of my hot-dog-cooker! i don’t want your cooties on my lunch.

    this also means I’ll need to get a ketchup-dispensing implant. and mayo. hmm… the breasts! replacement mammary glands that can dispense whatever i want! with swappable pouches. I can put coffee in there and run a head-resistant straw up to my mouth for times when I don’t have a hand free for a big klunky travel mug (it’ll also help keep me warm on cold days), condiments for racy cookouts, wallet and keys when I go to the beach (not to be squirted out the business end, though). it would be awesome.

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