Domestic Violence – The Quiet Side

This morning, I wandered over to the blog of Dok Holocaust, evil genius. He’s done a fantastic post on a side of domestic violence that isn’t at all trendy or – apparently – media-worthy… men who are victimised by women.

Violence against men isn’t a popular topic because, I guess, it strikes at a couple of much-loved assumptions our society lives by. One, that a ‘real’ man can’t be beaten by a woman, because men are stronger than women. Period. It’s just part of being male. They’re smarter and more confident, too. Two, that all serious problems can be solved with the application of some muscle and maybe some money. Real men fix their own problems, while real women cower waiting for a real man to save them.

If you haven’t already yelled it at the screen – let me say that both of those assumptions are utter crap. The sooner we acknowledge that men have just as much right and potential to be fucked up AND GET HELP as women… the sooner a huge number of abused men can get the support that they need and deserve.

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7 Responses

  1. humans of both sexes have a tendency to try to solve problems without help. Due to some strange cultural phenomena, the social pressure to live up to this tendency is stronger on the males.

    I had help. I moved in with people to get away from my mom, and lived with them for a bit. One of these people turned out to be a violent crazy, and even then, I had help – dad showed up with a U-haul and some free furniture to help me get into my new place.

    It could be theorized that the support network for men is much more informal, consisting of friends and relatives who wil help with the heavy lifting, but I never really looked into any sort of psychological help because I didn’t think i could afford it – for that, I turned to religion, and used religion as a stabilising influence to help me get my head sorted out.

  2. Dok – useful comments. I think you’re right, too.

  3. It exists. It’s real. It’s just a secret thing. Like male rape. The more it’s spoken about the better.

  4. I sometimes worry that people speaking out on the issue will get called misogynists by feminists who think they have a monopoly on victimization. After much research, I believe i have concocted an appropriate response:

    “I’m also a Furry with a thing for redheads in Gestapo uniforms. What’s your point?”

  5. Bells – too right.

    Dok – *snicker* Nice answer. The feminist/misogynist thing is an interesting one. BUT maybe it’d also make the feminists feel better to know that this sort of thing isn’t restricted to female perpetrators, it also happens in gay male relationships. And lesbian relationships, but let’s just ignore that for the time being.

  6. i don’t like feminists, is all. or other -ists, for that matter. “A man should not believe in an Ism, he should believe in himself.” – Ferris Beuller.

  7. I love Isms! They’re fun 😀

    But then I’m a feminist, a masculinist, a vegist and an all-round shit-stirrer… 😛

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