Open Letter to Milton Drivers

Dear Milton Driver,

In the interests of public safety and of decreasing occasions of madwomen shouting and gesticulating wildly from the (relative) safety of the footpath, I would like to bring some points to your attention.

1. It is alright – even legal – to indicate more than 1m before a turn.

2. For that matter, it’s alright to indicate. The police will not book you.

3. Parking spaces are rare, I understand. But that does NOT actually justify you swerving madly to the left and executing a mad u-turn at 80km/hr in the middle of traffic.

4. Please make an attempt at a consistent speed as you drive. Clearly, you’ll need to slow down for traffic lights, stop momentarily after hitting pedestrians, etc. But when you drive at 10km for 5 minutes and then immediately accelerate to 80km/hr, it is a little startling.

5. Parking spaces are for parking. Roads and streets are for driving on (and walking across, so don’t get cross when I’m in the way so you can’t reverse madly down the street to grab that spot 50m away). Please do not park in the middle of the road just because the person you’re meeting for coffee happened to approach from the other direction, also looking for a parking space.

6. GET OFF THE MOBILE PHONE AND CONCENTRATE.

7. If you have a contract out on me, for God’s sake just fulfil it, OK? I’m sick of the near misses.

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7 Responses

  1. Oooo I met that knobjockey on Brunswick Road in New Farm. Asshat.

  2. Ha!!!! Amen to number 6 with hairy bits on.

  3. This was written in a fit of irritation yesterday, btw. The suburb is just full – FULL – of people driving like braindead morons with a kill-everyone wish but no plan to carry it out. I’ve been reduced to sheer dumb admiration at the impressive depths of stupidity I’ve seen…

  4. I’ve seem him down here too

  5. America has drivers like this too. Someday, we hope to have a president who will legalize shooting at them.

  6. I saw him in Tewantin the other day too… he was in one lane and in a 40 kmh school zone when he saw a great park outside the school…. so yes he swerved across double white lines to grab the park ending up in the space facing against the traffic flow!!! is that even legal??

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