If You’re Looking Like an Idiot, Close Comments

I don’t usually indulge in rants. When I do, I try to keep it impersonal and avoid anything even approaching flame-like behaviour.

There’s always a first time, though.

And this first time’s a doozy. Because I am well and truly riled up.

Some people seem to have no idea about the real world and no capacity for putting themselves in other people’s shoes. Usually I can shrug these facts off, because let’s face it, some people are just brought up to be ignorant and self-righteous, and that’s a tough wagon to get off. It makes keeping an alcoholic sober look like a breeze.

Here’s what’s made me angry – Mummifiedx5 says “There’s a name for these women” in reference to the recent uproar about women claiming sexual assault by NRL players. Apparently, that name is Idiot. Well, that’s a little better than the name I suspected her of meaning, I’ll admit. But here are a few of the underlying messages I got from her post, and the comments various people left, that had me wanting to bite people:

  • If you allow yourself to get into a dangerous situation – either through inexperience, or too much alcohol, or not watching your drink carefully enough and it being spiked, or bad decision-making – you’re to blame for getting into the situation in the first place, and shouldn’t press charges.
  • It is always clear what a bad decision would be, and what might lead to a dangerous situation.
  • Any woman who indulges in ‘immoral’ behaviour is clearly up for any other ‘immoral’ behaviour which might be going on, whether she specifically agrees to it or not.
  • It is possible to scream for help or say ‘no’ in every situation. There is no possible scenario in which a woman may find herself unable to do so. If she does say no, this will be carefully reported by the press.
  • You’ve only been ‘really’ raped if you did absolutely nothing morally wrong, did not drink or take drugs, and did not show any interest whatsoever in the attacker(s).
  • ‘Real’ rape is clear-cut. There is always simple, obvious proof lying about. The press will always report such evidence faithfully.
  • Women who make accusations of sexual assault where the other party (or parties) are famous, or where the evidence is not clear-cut, make it harder for ‘real’ rape victims to come forward. It’s got nothing to do with the self-righteous arseholes throwing “Slut!” around and blaming the victim. Honest.

Here’s what I’d like to say to anyone who’s simply bad-mouthed these women:

GET THE FACTS FIRST.

Can’t?

Well, that’s exactly it. No-one knows the exact facts, except maybe the people involved.

So, what to do?

How about just suspending judgment?

How about deciding that the last thing that sexual-assault victims need to hear is “you’re lying” and “you brought it on yourself, you idiot, smarten up!” – and that just in case they were telling the truth, you’ll shut up and forego the thrill of the self-righteous bitch-slap?

How about imagining your daughter, or sister, or friend, hearing you trash-talk women claiming to have been sexually assaulted, and then not telling you when it happens to them because they don’t expect any sympathy from you?

How about not acting like an arse?

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11 Responses

  1. Ah, the comments of idiots did weren’t short on the ground in regards to “there’s a name for these women”

    There is a name for those commenters. Fucktards!

  2. Thanks so much for calling me an idiot.

    You have taken a lot of what I said out of context. I never said that any woman who gets sexually assualted deserved it. All I was saying is that woman need to be a little more aware of what they are getting themselves into.

    Obviously getting their drinks spiked takes their control away from them but willingly putting yourself in a situation like that can only lead to a bad experience.

    Are you the type of person to go into a men’s toilet with a total stranger? I’m certainly not. I have more class than that. And I also raise my daughters into having more class and respecting themselves.

    • First – I said you’re looking like an idiot, not that you ARE an idiot. Although you’re not helping matters by claiming you have class.

      Second – I have NOT quoted you. I’ve made claims about the messages that people can easily get out of what you – and other people commenting on your post – have said.

      Third – what if I were the type to go into a men’s toilet with a complete stranger? (note for those unfamiliar with english – the ‘were’ denotes a hypothetical, dearies) Are you implying that I would therefore be… what? Disqualified to comment on this issue, or something? What on earth has my sexual behaviour got to do with anything?

      Fourth – are you absolutely sure that your daughters won’t ever get drunk and do something dumb? Because if you are, that’s either very impressive, or very blind of you.

    • Tina, I’ve read back over my previous reply, and I feel I should clarify something.

      In the above post, I DID imply that you’re self-righteous, ignorant and lacking in empathy.

      I’d love you to prove me wrong.

    • Oh, yes, sorry – missed one – I DID also imply that you acted like an arse.

      For the record.

  3. I simply said that I have more respect for myself to be having sex with a total stranger. I also wanted to state that I’m not saying that these women deserved what they got.

    But you have to admit that there are women who make a game out of “how many footy players have you done?” And these are the women that I am pissed at for knowingly putting themselves in a situation that can turn at any time.

    • Noooo, you asked ME if I would go into a men’s toilet with a stranger. That’s not ‘simply’ at all.

      Can I recommend a good hard think about what you meant to communicate and what you actually wrote? You specifically contrasted, whether you meant to or not, these claims and ‘real’ rape. You cast doubt on their claims, said that they were idiots, and never once said anything about possible trauma or, as far as I could see, showed any sympathy for that possible trauma.

      • I do recall saying in my comments that I do believe that what the guys did was wrong, if she only consented to a couple of them and all of them. What I wasn’t impressed with was that it was claimed that she bragged for almost a week before contacting the police.

        And like I said about the other case on my blog, this girl not upset that other guys joined in, she was upset because it was being filmed.

        You obviously have more experience in debating than I do. Seriously, I hate confrontations and usually am the last person to speak up so I’m calling it quits on this issue.

  4. The girl was upset that the others joined in. She was also doubly assaulted by it being filmed. Hmm, how come we are so willing to believe the chick that said that “Clare” bragged. Her boss did not hear her brag nor did anyone else.

    I really do hate it when women are so willing to crucify other women. None of us knows what we will do in any given situation. I, for one, would not like to be as pious as to condemn a woman for the crimes of men.

  5. Good on you Nome. I’ll never EVER debate an opposing to you; but on this we agree.

    We don’t have the facts. Most abuse/assault victims I know all ready blame themselves for it (and if they don’t, they’ve probably done a lot of work to get to that point). Most don’t report, because of the attacks leveled at them when they do. Not reporting, or charges not being laid does not ALWAYS mean there was nothing ‘wrong’ going on.

    They don’t need us getting on the bandwagon.

    Applauding you from my vantage point… 😉

  6. Well done that woman (he says standing and applauding)!

    People are incredibly quick to pass off comments about things they have NOOOOOooooooo expereince about. That, and they can also be extremely damning of those who supposedly don’t have the same will-power, inner strength, ability to see into the future, make perfect decisions, forget that they too have probably made mistakes in their lives.

    People – have an amazing ability to jump to conclusions – and pass judgement… mostly about htings they know very little about. Think about one thing only – no matter the life choices someone you care about (your daughter, son, maother, niece – whatever) might make – they do NOT deserve to have their right to make their OWN ‘decisions’ (on fair grounds) taken away from them.

    Good on ya Naomi – bravo zulu!

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