Back from the Dead

As if being the Snot Queen wasn’t enough, I had to catch the mini-flu… so dubbed because it was like a 24-hour version of influenza. Fever, vomiting, bowels turned to water… then incredibly aching joints. Then wake up the next morning feeling almost fine. Weird. No complaints, though, because otherwise I might get the proper version.

Feminine

For decades I’ve been looking for a definition of ‘feminine’ that doesn’t:

1. Demean women
2. Force women into a false mold
3. Contain more flaws than strengths (see 1)
4. Contain characteristics which men commonly have too

And you know, I’ve never found one. Except for the bleeding obvious physical differences, and relatively minor hormonal urges. Women are more likely to seek children. Men are more likely to behave with irrational aggression.

I’m still looking. Mostly, I think, because society is SO DAMN SURE that there are major, inherent differences between the genders. So I can’t help but try to keep an open mind – and more, even search for this mythical law of femininity. But I can’t help doubting that it exists. After all, once upon a time people didn’t seem to worry about such things. Men did the stuff that women sometimes couldn’t (due to pregnancy, less muscle etc), women did anything else, looked after the babies and put the kids to work with her when they were young, with dad when they could handle it. It seems that it was only after the Industrial Revolution when brute muscle got a lot less important that people started worrying about differences in the genders… because otherwise men might start doing traditional women’s work, and vice versa! *swoooon* And God forbid that society should change. It’s in the bible – “And all shalt be as it was in the day of thy grandfathers, or a great plague shall come among thee…” (from the Book of Fart-Assing Around). Of course, technological advances are mostly OK, as long as it’s something that Grandpa would’ve wanted.

It’s Gettin’ Hot in Here

I gotta start keeping a couple of bottles of water in the fridge.

This afternoon I noticed I was really, really thirsty. So I grabbed a glass of water straight from the tap, filled my mouth up good… and spat it out. Damn. What kind of baked-brain twit manages to drink out of the HOT tap? I grabbed another glass of water from the right tap and tried again. Holy batknickers! Hotter than before. I ran it for a few seconds. It got hotter. Fine. I went back to the original idea and drank from the hot water tap. For some bizarre reason, it was cooler.

This cute lil story brought to you by Ipswich weather… if I didn’t know better, I’d think it was handled by a QLD government department.

RIPPED OFF!!!

Remember those free Tim Tams?

I just got an email from Arnott’s.

“Whoops!” they said.

“We stuffed up!” they said.

“We’re doubling the packets of Tim Tams we send out due to such demand!” they said.

“But you’re not one of the lucky ones, sorry!” they said.

As if I care that they’re sending out more than they’d planned to if they’re not sending any to me!

Bastards.

Slap My Ass and Call Me Cindy

I’m in shock.

I’m confused.

I just stepped on the scales.

I discovered that I’m 5kg lighter than I was last night.

FIVE KILOGRAMS?  You’ve gotta be joking.

2kg and I would’ve thought, “Oh yeah, normal weight swing.”

5?

OK, I’m getting boring now. I’ll stop.  I just wanted to share that with y’all, though.

Revelation

I was reading WiddleShamrock’s discussion of being ‘in recovery’ when I realised just how I’ve been looking at my past. As if there was a ‘me’ back in the day who was slim, muscly, energetic, balanced, sensible, fun… What a load of bulltwang. Sure, there were times when I was more energetic. Thank God. There were times when I was much more social. Throwing parties, etc. But I was also often miserable, stupid and just plain thoughtless. Here’s what I wrote on WS’s post:

Something that I’m only just realising is that the ‘me’ that I keep looking back on with longing is viewed with extremely rose-coloured glasses. The ‘me’ today is actually a superior model, all things considered… it’s the me of tomorrow that I need to be working on, rather than trying to get back to some mythical past.

It may not seem like much of a difference. But to me it’s the difference between attempting a vague and unrealistic ‘once upon a time’ and ‘being the best damn me I can be’. That doesn’t mean I stop trying to get better. It means I try harder and get less discouraged, because I have a world of opportunities to go after. I’m not stuck with trying to be some idealised person I never was anyway.

Thanks, Widdle Shamrock!

Ledger Stand-in Found – But There’s a Twist

Terry Gilliam’s The Imaginarium of Dr. Parnassus To Continue Without Ledger.

I’m intrigued despite myself.

Even though it sounds a little Dr Who-ish 🙂

Awwww…

I’m a sucker for cute fluffy things. I saw this one last night on the way home from work. I couldn’t resist tormenting it till I had a photo:

For those who aren’t au fait with Brisbane wildlife – this is a baby bush turkey.  They’re a nightmare for gardeners, and they’re aggressive to a fault when fed regularly – but this one’s just cute!

Writer Girl

I’m feeling very proud of myself at the moment, because my inspiration came back and I’ve written 3 stories in the last week-and-a-bit! Welll… 3 pieces of stories, anyhow. 2 of them aren’t really whole stories.

Alien is about a guy discovering that his girlfriend is really … *insert scary music* I’ll let you guess what. Or you can read the story. This is one that screams out for a sequel, but I haven’t worked out an angle yet.

The Snot Queen is a truly gross story about a female superhero, loosely based on real life (see Snot Queen Elect). Full of action and mucous.

The Fairy Princess is yet another update on Kyle and Merryl from Cupcake of Love and Happily Ever After. Only Part 1 is available at the moment (more coming ASAP). Kyle and Merryl were supposed to star in a short, once-off cute little story. Instead they’ve kidnapped my Muse and they’re holding her to ransom. God knows how many stories they’ll finish up getting out of me!

Feel free to tell me your thoughts on the stories. Especially if you have useful advice on ways I could improve them. Now… back to work!

And I’m Rich. Again.

A widow from the Ivory Coast – at least that’s where her financial advisor lives – wants to invest $25 million in my ‘company’, by which I assume is meant my blogs.

I’m set for life. Even if that million euros from the online lottery takes a while to come through!

On a serious note: If you’re subscribed via email and it’s a bit screwy, I’m looking into it.